CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY HO HO HUM, part 2

What else did I do these 4-1/2 days? For Christmas I attended my church's musical presentation followed by Midnight Christmas Mass returning home after 2 AM Christmas morning. My food choices for the long weekend involved ham, cheese & rye sandwiches, a shrimp ring, and other snack food, anything other than cooking.

The DVD Extended Version of LOTR: The Two Towers, aired three times, first as the movie, then twice more with the Director/Writer and then the Cast commentaries. That's committment; maybe next weekend I'll see LOTR: Return of the King.

I sorted all my financial papers; as the year unfolds, I toss all my bank and credit card statements, utility statements, charge and debit slips, and other financial papers in a plastic basket that I keep on one shelf on my bookcase and then sort it all out in front of late-December football. It works for me.

I semi-watched 6 football games, sorted other papers, printed 81 photos for my daily photo-letters to my Dad, taped and watched The Restaurant (running out of tape before the ending episodes which I originally missed, missing them again), watched three episodes of Celebrity Poker, ate too much, drank too little, and missed having chat time. I did not miss work.

I hope everyone had happy holidays, now please update your journals and get back into Nightly Chat.

CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY HO HO HO HUM, part 1

As my Blog/Chat friends wring the very last hours out of this long holiday weekend I'll get put a log on the fireplace and get my holiday recap in print. I am actually not the first in my blog ring to post; GreenTuna managed entries during her visit in Maryland; Chefgracegeorge offered up holiday recipes and TVJunkie made us all envious with her entries about Shiba the mischevious cat and her new Powerbook. Good stuff.

I was alone this Christmas, as I often am these past few years, but I'm pretty used to it and generally enjoy the time; phone calls with family and a few friends provided a slight veneer of family holiday tradition.

Honey continues to be a scardy-cat after last Tuesdays mishap, but she finally came out very briefly on Saturday (our 2-week anniversary) for some petting before being spooked by absolutely nothing. She's come out twice since then, just as briefly with the same MO.

On the positive side, Honey has become enamoured with the Big Friendly Petting Hand and welcomes it's visits under the bed. She also has been staying out in her living room cat bed way late into the morning until after I get up and see her there, then she'll slither back under the bed for the day. I consider that these delays are really tests to see my reaction. Also last night she hopped up on my bed and across my feet as she headed out to the living room...another test, I suppose. On Saturday she also curled up on my bed while I was out watching TV until I saw her there.

HOLIDAY FUN

Shake the snow globe and listen to the people!

This is cute.

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas / Happy Hannukah / Happy Holidays

Many blessings of the Season be with my family (Dad, Barb, Sue, Daniel, Sarah, Aunties, Uncles, and Cousins).

Many blessings of the Season be with my lifefriends (Rita, Cyn, Carol, Johanna, Marion & Joe, Terri & Omer, Mike & Debi, and all others).

Many blessings of the Season be with my chat/HT friends (Chefgracegeorge, Highwaygirl, GreenTuna, Overgme, Blurry, Rappy, Mheh, TVJunkie, Ophelia, Teem, Katjam, and all the other posters on Hamster Time. ) I can't tell you how glad I am to have my 'virtual' friends. Joy, peace, good and love to each of you.

Many blessings of the Season be with my co-workers, community, church, country and world. God bless us, every one!

Thanks to Maryknoll for the card.

HONEY UPDATE

So, what's happening with Honey, you ask.  We'll we've had our little advances and we've had our setbacks. 

Advances:  Honey comes out during the night and sleeps in the living room. She goes to her litter box also, but does so when that end of the house is quiet. She also comes out to eat when no one is around. She likes watching me play with her toys but is too shy when I try to engage her with it. 

Setbacks:  Last night I stayed up later than usual playing cards on the computer; lights were on throughout the apartment. Lo and behold, in trots Honey, at least until she sees me at the computer then she turns tail and runs, pausing a bit in the kitchen to look back. I didn't follow her. After I went to bed, she came out as usual.  Later in the night I had to get up for a short time so I decided to sit at my computer desk and turn the variable light on low. Honey was in the other room in her cat bed and did not move. I thought this was a success. After a few minutes I turned off the light and went back to bed. This morning she was under the bed and more timid, coming out only very briefly. I came home at noon and this time she came out, but almost immediately she acted scared, backed away from me and then ran into the living room. I should have known better, but I followed her and ended up cornering her. This all happened so fast I did not recognize that this was bad for kitty. She raced back under the bed and has yet to come out to me. 

Good thing: I've got 4-1/2 days at home to work on re-bonding.

SUNDAY NIGHT

Sunday night. The Broncos and Colts (two horsies!) are tied 14-14 on ESPN. The Terror Alert Level has been raised to High. The American Soldier has been named TIME's Person of the Year. That's the world.

I have finished my Christmas letter, photo (Honey in her bed), and cards for mailing Monday which will probably be too late for Christmas, but still respectable. It's a miracle I did them at all this year. For some reason I'm just not feeling very Christmas-y this year. It's not that I'm in a negative mood about it or anything else; the year is ending well enough for me and my family. It's just not as enjoyable all alone, so it's a low-key thing these days.

Honey and I have had a better weekend but it is a very very slow process. She is still under the bed. Someone said she sounds like she has experienced 'sensory depravation' before coming to me. That seems to fit and it is a slow process drawing her out.

 

SICK DAY

I woke up sick this morning with whatever bug that has been persuing me for nearly a week now. It doesn't feel like a cold, but I can't say that it is the flu either (no temperature). My stomach is not right, my body aches all over, my glands are swollen and my mouth, throat and chest are bleh.

During the time I've been up (this afternoon) I watched movies. It passed the time with minimal effort, but watching the drama and miseries of others while sick is not such a good thing. Even the comedy did not sit well, but that's what illness does.

On a positive note, Honey came out from under the bed on my coaxing twice and showed less signs of fear. At one point while I was petting her she rolled over on her back, exposing her belly to my hand. She also took some tenative looks around my bedroom, venturing further from me and her food bowl, the 'safe zone' she has established thus far in my presence. I expect more solo night exploration tonight. Things are progressing.

HONEY, NIGHT ROAMER

1:30 AM, I awaken from about 2 hours of sleep and go through my dark apartment checking the radiators because it seems cold. I get to the living room at the front of my apartment and a dark shape on the top of my couch flashes past me heading for the bedroom.

I wanted Honey to know right away that she is welcome into other areas so I proceeded to lure her out from under the bed for another session of petting. It went well, and twice she headed past my body towards the bedroom door then turned back. I think she was testing me to see if I would scold her for doing that, or not. I kept silent and did not touch her.

Later during the night I heard her eat food and use the regular litter box in the bathroom before returning to her safety quilt under the bed. Today is my first workday since getting her so hopefully she will explore some more and feel comfortable with the place in the daytime. After that she will just have to get used to having this big person around.

MONDAY EVENING - HONEY UPDATE

Honey has made progress today. She came out twice early on and had a very little bit of food each time. She let me pet her and then retreated to her little 'safe quilt' under the bed.

I did as Wise Overg suggested and spent time in the room with her, just reading. Other times I laid on the floor for extended periods talking to her and then when she seemed to need space again I'd leave for a while.

Tonight she has come out for more extended times; although it is only a few minutes she now feels more comfortable eating although her back is to me. She also welcomes extended petting during these cautious encounters and I can tell that she is getting more comfortable being out. Yet she still needs her security quilt and even the motion of my feet on the floor to reposition myself is enough to have her scurry back.

My knees and neck hurts from it all, but I'm very pleased. I'm wishing I could have another day with her before returning to work, but I have to trust that we'll manage through that too.

MONDAY MORNING

I should rename this journal The Honey News.

Here is what has happened since my last update. Honey accepted my offering of a cat-sized lightly quilted mat (see photo). I slid it under the bed and she later began using it.

Twice today, right after I got up, I was able to lure her out but just as before she ran back under the bed without eating. She has been getting slightly more comfortable with this, and upon her return to her mat she has been purring.

I also discovered possible evidence of an overnight scout mission as a piece of plasticware that I had low on a box in the back hall was toppled. The work of Honey!

SLOW PROGRESS

Honey is testing my intentions. She has come out from under the bed very briefly four times so far this afternoon, all on my coaching. Each time she gets a pet or two then scoots back under the bed where she turns her back to me until we go through it all again. Twice she has gone for the food bowl but retreated before eating.

In the last session I laid down on the floor hoping that my low profile would help, but even if it did, Honey needed a break to 'kitty-process' the events so far. She is showing very slight but measurable improvements in trust but this under-the-bed thing is likely to go on in varying degrees for several days.

THE DAY BEGINS

The day begins. Saddam Hussein has been captured and people in Iraq are celebrating and I'm thankful to tears for that and proud all over again for our men and women serving in dangerous places. May this be another step towards safety for our troops and freedom for Iraq.

The day begins. Honey remains under my bed where she's been making friends with the dust bunnies. My theory is that she is getting back at me by moving from one clutter spot/housekeeping failure to another where I take her picture and post it for all to see. I am humiliated, but not enough to keep from sharing her lovely picture and story.

Honey may be her name, but I don't think she heard it enough at the shelter to really relate to it. She has contented poses and seems to be willing to wait out this strange person who has disrupted her comfortable cage life. My only concern is that she doesn't seem to have eaten or taken any water since I brought her home. I tucked both a bit under the bed so she'd feel safe getting to it.

The day begins. I got ready for church and then had a wave of sickness pass over me so I didn't go. I've felt it trying to take me down for a few days now. It's snowing outside now and the birds have already emptied the feeder once. I'm going to spend the day doing Honey-checks, birdie watching and feeding, turn football on, do paperwork and try not to feel sick. Tonight is the Survivor Finale and of the remaining players I want Sandra to win, which means she'll come in 4th.

Have a good day, everyone.

HONEY'S WEB PAGE

Honey already has a web page where her special photos will be placed along with her stories.

JUST WHAT I WANTED, I Think

Well, I'm pleased to announce that I've now got a .......closet cat!

Darling, Honey, was a real trooper for the trip home, crying very briefly only three times despite the hour-long drive. Before I went to pick her up I thought better of trying to make her a 'safe space', but rather to let her choose her own, probably in my bedroom.

I open the carrier on my bed and she came out and a long petting session ensued which included some Honey-purr. As we were engaged in this, she was quickly scouting out the room and noticing sounds from my bird feeder and my neighbor in the apartment above. I saw her quickly eye my open closet which looked nice and cozy. When we were interrupted by a phone call, she found a safe haven there.

Her choice is a good one, preferrable to being under the bed; we can look at each other when I'm on my bed. After a short trip to the store and for dinner takeout I gave her a few treats and she also enjoyed some petting, again with a Honey-purr.

So, I guess we've both made it safely into the transition phase of our relationship. On my last visit with treats she was licking like she was hungry so I hope she'll soon feel safe enough to come down to her food & water bowl, and litter box which is just outside the closet. So, I'm giving her space, but checking on her from time to time.

HAPPY DANCE!

I just got at call from DAWS to inform me that I can pick up Honey on Saturday.

She's already pre-spoiled by me; so far I've bought her a window seat to watch the birds at the feeder, a cat scratch/play/half-moon saddle seat, a cat carrier, a cat bed, two litter pans, new feed bowls and mat, a brush, flea treatments (might need), food and litter, and an assortment of toys. It is her Christmas (and mine too)!

I must remember in my enthusiasm that she will take some time to relax and get used to her new surroundings and to me. Thanks to everyone who has given me advice on the transition process, and keep it coming.

MEET HONEY!

Meet Honey. She is my selection for adoption.

Brian, one of the shelter volunteers, rescued Honey a year ago and she was kept in a foster home through the birth of her litter. She has been at the shelter since about February.

I was shown all the cats on my list and others that caught my eye and then I was left on my own to wander and spend time with any cats of interest. There were a few strong possibilities, but no one cat struck me as "the one" which was my prayer going in. As I headed back to begin another round of consideration, Robin, the volunteer who had helped me earlier, met me and said she suddenly had a thought as to a good cat for me and took me to Honey.

Honey seemed open to me right away and just *loved* to be petted to the point where she didn't want me to stop. I love her coloring and although she's large, she seems to be in good health. I felt she would fell comfortable in my apartment and with me.

The Vet visits the shelter weekly on Wednesdays and all adopted cats must get a final check-up before they can go to their new home. The timing of his visit prompted my visit to the shelter tonight. If all goes well I hope to bring Honey home this Saturday afternoon.

ETA: Honey's one eye seems unusual, but I think this is a photographic phenomenon; in person she seemed fine, or I didn't notice.

CAT PROJECT, Monday update

Today I bought a plastic and metal cat carrier and a cardboard model in case a 2nd cat jumps into my 'shopping cart.' It looks like it will be Saturday before I can use them due to Shelter hours.

I also bought a short cat 'tree' with a 'moon' top and play area; it fits right next to my computer so my little darling can get some attention or keep me company while I'm on the computer. We will also play our own versions of gitchu (tm Overg), of course, but a cat seat near my obsession can't hurt.

CAT SEARCH

I'm looking for a cat that can be an indoor cat in a modest 4-room apartment. He/she must have the disposition to be an only cat, but the capacity to accept a 2nd cat at a later date and capable of being alone during my 9-10 hours at work. I think I'd prefer a Female cat who  is no longer a kitten, but I am open. 

Top Selections: Arnie, Bix, Donna, Gregory, Molly, Poe.

THE SEARCH FOR MY NEXT CAT

More top selections:  Peaches, Todd, Livia, Doug, Hope, Ozzy.

PERFECT DAY

Today has been one of those perfect days of inner happiness and contentment. As the song goes, "outside the weather is frightful, inside the fire is so delightful, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."

It's been a blizzard outside, very cold and the wind has been fierce, so I decided not to battle Mother Nature to dig out my car today. Instead I tended to my wild birds and captured a few photos today (the ones with snow), and a few earlier shots.

The birds all struggled against the wind, driving snow, and cold to get to the feeder to the point that I questioned if they don't burn more calories getting to the food than what they recieve. Perhaps it would have been better to stay out of the weather today, like I've done. But they fed all day on three refills of the feeder and 6 crumbed english muffins scattered on the deck. It gives me great joy to provide for them and enjoy their presence.

Between forays for bird feedings, bird watching and photo shoots, I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making an Indian dish called Bryani. It takes a long time to prepare: clean and cut veggies (last night), cook rice, make saffron rice, cook veggies in spices, whip yogurt, layer two casserole dishes with the 5 layers, cover, cook and clean up. The long process seemed to be a perfect complement for the weather outside and the bird activity and for a time I was most perfectly content. A perfect day.

SHIZZLE

Tonight in chat, GreenTuna shared some frustrations she's having over the quality of her daughter's education and it reminded me of this experience:

The year was 1971. The place, The Peoples Republic of California.

My plans were to stay with my Aunt and Uncle in Long Beach, CA and attend a nearby college. As part of the entrance qualification procedure at Long Beach College I had to take an exam which I considered would be something like a SAT Test.

On the day of the exam I entered with confidence since I had always done well in school and was not afraid of tests. This totally flew out the window when I opened the test booklet and read the first question. Wha?!  It was ALL written in some kind of ghetto slang (my best guess), or maybe it was Eubonics or something, but whatever it was it was totally foreign to me. I could not make out a single word or even guess what part of speech I was looking at; I'm sure I blanched as I staggered out without understanding, or answering, even one question.

Thirty years later it still makes me wonder. Just what were those college classes like and what useful education did those students get? What jobs do those students have as a result? How do they now view the curious experiment that was their education?

Sometimes I'm glad I'm not so highly educated that I lose touch with common sense.

DRAMA AT JIFFY LUBE, Act 2

I caught the second act of little family drama today at Jiffy Lube:

Woman to Manager: I'm the one who called today. The engine on my son's 2002 Saturn siezed up on a trip to South Carolina; it's down there now. The dealer said they won't honor the warrenty unless we can show routine maintenence records. (gives manager several family names to search for the car records)

Manager : I'm not finding anything recent.....the only service record for that car was a year ago.

AN OPEN MESSAGE FOR CHEFGRACEGEORGE

HANDS OFF OVERG, SISTER!

I'm not done with him yet.

(Overg, we're fighting over you!)

Oh, and my immediate apologies to everyone for this entry. Bad girl!

SADISM AND GORE

Just for the record, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and 24  have gone too far. Both are wallowing in the gory, sadistic and sick end of the pool and I've decided that I've had enough. I felt this before about 24  in the 1st season so skipped season 2; unfortunately season 3 brought back all the bad vibes. As for CSI, they're become fascinated to an unhealthy degree with abberant sexual behaviors (plushies, S&M) and more graphic mutilated and decomposed bodies. After both shows I feel dirty. No more. You've gone more than too far for me.

Whatever happened to Drama?

SOMEONE SWAT ME

I've been fluxuating between anxiousness and irritation for the last two days after a relatively nice start to the 4-day holiday weekend. Since my family already had our Thanksgiving during our mid-month convergence in Arizona, the past four days have been 'free time' for me.

Tasks accomplished :  two loads of laundry, clean the apartment, winterize four windows (rope caulk and plastic heat-shrink seals), change bedroom ceiling light bulb (ladder required), further consolidate/organize to make room for a kitty, mix more birdseed 'special blend'.

Projects and Interests persued: Updated my spending database by coding and entering records from early April to date; set up and listened to two personalized radio stations on Rhapsody and reviewed some music of interest; ordered the Extended Editions of the first two LOTR DVDs; printed out 81 family photos for the next leg of my daily photo-letters to my Dad (just beginning my second year doing this); semi-watched a good football game (New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts) while working on a backlog of old magazines, watched the animated movie, Waking Life and then again with commentary; finally I watched the 4-part 1966 Russian film, War and Peace. I saw the movie on it's 1968 initial release in the US and thought it was powerful and it still is. The DVD had a dubbed version available, but I prefer to view foreign films in their original language with English subtitles.

So, it was a good weekend. Where did the anxiousness and irritation come from? My guesses: anxiety generated by the War and Peace strife; irriration: Monday again, 'nuff said. Also, I'm struggling with either allergies and/or coming down with something.

FAMILY AT THE FORE

I'm back from a week-long visit with my 81-year-old dad and two younger sisters in Arizona. My dad is in poor health so the time with him was particularly precious; we enjoyed many memories, family photos, meals and little times together during the week, but it was hardly enough to show how much he means to me.

Such a visit at such a time is filled with emotion, not all of them loving or pleasant. Communication is not always what it should be and we are four adults each with our own baggage, needs and life situations. We managed, and it was a good trip. I hope my dad will enjoy each day and that we will care for his needs somehow and stick together through it all.

SOMEDAY.....

If I ever date again, my sister owes me at least 400 hours of ear-time....just sayin'.

[Latest chapter....good looking, interesting lawyer at work arranges to bump into her one day at the elevator so as to finally meet her. They have dinner. He's captivated by her and knows she in her 40's and divorcing; she finds out he's ****29****. She is all aflutter. I eye-roll in a good natured way and listen.]

NO SALE

I just got done refusing two new prescriptions at my pharmacy checkout. Eighty dollars total, and that's the co-pay amount. They were prescribed to battle a scalp problem that has at least contributed to a significant and alarming loss of hair. Fortunately, I have samples from my dermatologist so I'll make do on them until they're gone; perhaps they will be enough to take care of the problem. If not, well, I'll face that when the time comes.

Our company's new Health Care Plan is not even a month old and already it's killing me financially. I just don't have it after paying for my three maintenence medications which already straps me.

My advice: Get a life with two full household incomes. Get wealthy. If you can't get (and stay) wealthy, don't age, don't get sick, and don't require medications. You'll be facing a hollow plan on your own just when you need it.

THANK YOU, VETERANS

Today is Veteran's Day and my busy world it is flying by in comfort and safety because of the men and women who serve our country.

Thank you for your service. I am proud of your dedication, courage, care,
and selflessness as you face the daily demands of your service. I am humbled
by how much you, and your loved ones, sacrifice. May God bless and keep you
every day, and may those who have passed on be at peace.

HAH! I MUST BE WEARING A SIGN

A few unusual things happened at the grocery store tonight.

1)  I bought 12 tins and 2 bags of cat food.... despite the fact that as of yet I have no cat.

2) After stocking up my cart with cat food, another shopper in the asile asked if I loved cats ... and would I like one?  Wha?!!  Her mom's cat, Cloe, needs to find a new home. The woman assured me Cloe would love to just stay indoors but if so she would need to be declawed. She said this a few times so I'm wondering if Cloe is a furniture shredder...or what. Hopefully a photo of Cloe will arrive before my vacation (via snailmail) and I''ll share it in my journal. I have more questions about Cloe, and certainly would meet her before saying yes. Stay tuned!

MY FIRST GIF

Yay me! I have created my FIRST .GIF file! Of course it is All About Overg, because that is what he demands of his peeps.

PHOTO TEST

Scamp as a young one.....this has been a test to add larger pictures. Success on the 3nd try. First attempt photo was huge. Second was better, but required some Photoshop Elements work; this third photo has been lightened and sized a bit smaller. Now how do I add a photo to About Me???

CADS and DADS - Part 2 - DADS

Ok, so I've covered the topic of Lover-Cads. Now onto Dads. These are the Boyfriends/Mates that are compassionate, supportive, steady and all-around good to you. They will not break your heart. They will Care for You. They will Provide and be happy doing so.

Well, due to an oversight on my part, I have also been boyfriendless for a good stretch of time. You see, I was very busy with my life and happy and getting along just fine in a narrow-focus kind of way. Then one day I looked up, took a quick inventory, and, oops, no mate!  So, I'm all about remedying the situation. Stat.

This would be utterly impossible if not for my Hamster Time friend, and fellow blogger, GreenTuna who Showed me The Way. She has a boyfriend who is everything that one could want, and more. I am quite jealous of her for claiming him for herself.

 Therefore, I have sought out one of his best friend and am very delighted and fulfilled. We are a perfect match.

Click here to meet GreenTuna's wonderful boyfriend.

Click here to meet MY new boyfriend.

CADS and DADS, Part 1 - CADS

It's official. Women like Cads for Sex and Dads for Mating.

I prefer the term Lover to Cad because it's more positive, with the emphasis on the heady time (pun intended) before our lover breaks our hearts and gets branded as 'that Cad'.    In related news, last night Overgme gave tacit consent to be my lover when he told me in the HT chat, in front of Cap't Scurvy and everyone, that I could call him overg cuz all his lovers do. Therefore I am at least his implied lover. I'm running with it.  But actually we're well-suited for each other. I require the separation of at least 3 states distance between myself and my lovers lest things get too hot causing unforseen natural disasters. Overg's one purpose is to evangelize humanity as to the divine nature of kitties. As a easy convert I must only accept his message and write about him constantly. Perfect. I'll do that!   Of course the Day of the Cad will arrive, no doubt when a scampering ball of fur re-enters my life again. Then it will be over (sic) and my lover will become my cad. Let it be so. Comic Sans MS - 12 point AOL Journal is being difficult tonight so I'm coloring the new paragraph intros.

JOURNAL , 'QUEER EYE' STYLE

This is a Reader Participation Journal Entry, so take note, the few who pass through these gates on to better blogs.

I'm very up in the air, and overall dissatisfied with the Font/Size selections available at AOL Journals. For instance, what looks reasonably good from my home computer looks garishly large and 'in your face' from my work Mac. [This paragraph is Ariel - 12 point]. Please vote with a comment entry below as to which of the following is most comfortable for you:

1)  Ariel - 10 point       2)  Ariel - 12 point       3)  Ariel - 14 point

4) Comic Sans MS - 10 point    5) Comic Sans MS - 12 point 

6) Comic Sans MS - 14 point  7) Verdana - 10 point

8) Verdana - 12 point      9) Verdana - 14 point

10) Wingdings - 10 point    

The last entry was, of course, to accomodate my lover, overg (aka Xantar from the planet Oof)

 

THE SECRET IS OUT

Overgme is my secret lover. He has cats. He is Xantor from the planet Oof.

I just wanted you all to know.

This is a good thing, Overgme. Don't fight it.

KILL ME NOW

Thank God I made it home tonight without killing someone. Well, not someone, but Screechy Co-worker.

Today consisted of not one, but two check runs with attendant reports and usual special case situations; then there was the end of month inventory reports, computer snafu by A/R which made me have to run my stuff a second time, a shop inventory that was obviously filled out by someone on serious drugs, and all the other daily stupid interruptions. In short it was a hectic day that demanded full focus and attention to detail.

In the background the whole friggin' day our resident Office Screecher was on HIGH VOLUME about EVERYTHING.  The day started off, as it usually does, with her run-down of what she did last night. Loud voice. She tells people the same stories one at a time. Receptionist. Sales Manager. Sales people in her office. People who come by. Her nomal voice is so loud it carries not only to our offices, but down the hall outside our suite, so we all hear every conversation she has.

After the personal update she finally gets to her work, but she can't shut up about that either. I hear her work calls. Then after the calls she recaps them to the people around her and gets the imput she needs to process her inside sales transactions. Then it's personal stuff again. Then work. She does not shut up! This happens every day.

Today she came back from lunch angry and VERY LOUD about some comment another building tenant made to her that she thought was sexually harrassing. LOUD RECAP with EMOTION. SEVERAL TIMES. Then more work which included a loud, stressful frantic work problem. Finally, to cap things off, she had a long call from a customer that I thought was a personal call ... lots of stuff about her kids. This went on for the entire final hour. LOUD VOICE.

I have such a headache. It's as if her stressful tone bounced off the walls and enturbulated me; although my day was pressured, it was under control and I could have managed fine without the background screech.

I think I should ask for hazard pay.

THE CALL OF THE CAT

It's like I'm a werewolf or something.

I've been cat-less these past 2 years since the demise of my beloved Scamp, and it's been rough. His old age and my transition into middle-age was hard on us both and I'm still dealing with the latter. The knees are not doing so well and I've been reluctant to commit to a kitty because, among other things, it would require more hauling.

With a second floor apartment the haul factor is significant. I already haul my own food and big bags of birdseed for the wild birds and a cat would mean adding big bags of cat litter, cat food tins and bags of dry food. Then there is the haul down to the garbage. And feeding and cleaning in between.

Yet I get these great urges to run out and get a kitty, or young cat. That's the werewolf going wild for a feline companion.  It rages up and takes over for a few days and then I become 'normal' again. This weekend there was another flare (not unlike the solar electromagnetic flare happening at the same time... hmmm); only my impending trip kept me in control.

The time nears!

LIFE-BOT WHIRLS

The only dimension to my life lately can be expressed in two words : logistical imperatives. What needs to be done, where, and when? Just the facts. I am life-bot, see me whirl, hum, zip, and pause ever so briefly for a new download of things to get done RIGHT NOW.

Last night was consumed preparing my shipping box for my upcoming trip to Arizona. I allow those hunky UPS guys to handle my 'luggage' for me these days, but I must oblige their schedule. So, it was zip around the apartment for this, and for that, and back again for this, until sometime during Letterman when the label went on the box and I whirled back and hummed with satisfaction at a task complete. Pause. Download Bedtime Task list-reprioritized (dishes in sink - tomorrow); zip; horizontal tilt; sleep mode. At last.

Today's lunchtime I had to race across town for a flu shot and then back to another office to pick up films for some minor surgery scheduled for Monday. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday and need to get to my old bank (to close account) and new bank which means more lunchtime race-abouts. Life-bot's batteries are about out of zip.

CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!

I spent my entire lunch hour composing a new entry for Message In A Bottle. It was a good entry (honest!). Of course AOL decided to be EVIL, telling me that only the owner can add an entry. Duh. After that it wouldn't even let me get in from my work (Mac) Browser. See how much I suffer. *sniff*

Now I must actually work for my company for a few more hours....

MISS REMISS

Where has this weekend GONE?  I had a long list. Then I sat down at the computer to chat/watch Friday night's While You Were Out and What Not To Wear. 8 hours later, at 4:30 AM Saturday morning I finally logged off and went to bed. Of course I did more than chat/watch TV. I scanned and edited more family slides and I played Alchemy for a few hours until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Sometimes I go crazy like that.

I think it was the evening coffee. In any case, after I awoke mid-day, I lingered in bed until 2:30 PM before getting up, showering, and getting back on the computer  for more slide work. At 7 PM I got a call from my two college friends, sisters, living in Oregon. We shared life, or what has become of it, for about 3 hours. What an absolute joy they are, my greatest 'treasures' from my college years in California. Our 34 years of friendship remains fresh despite the distance.

So, now it is the early hours of Sunday morning and I must not repeat last night's marathon. Time for bed, with hopes that I'll be able to sleep and get off this rediculous schedule I've created in time for the upcoming workweek. My tasks from my To Do list remain undone. Just call me Miss Remiss.

'EMERGENCY' PREPARATIONS

This afternoon I was minding my own business at work when, wham, at 2:06 pm I was hit with a sudden spinny feeling, nausea, mild body aches, headache, and scratchy throat. Uh oh. By the end of of the work day the inner Warning System had sounded it's alarm and lifeonhold went into Impending Illness Emergency Preparedness Mode.

IIEPM is all about food, comfort and a credible attempt to fulfill upcoming work responsibilities. First I pulled up Thursday's check run in case I'm out; that was the only work task that really needed to get done. Next I headed for the grocery store for 'sick food staples'. There's nothing like getting to the 'I think I can eat something again' stage only to find that there's no bread for toast or milk for cereal.

Finally at home, I hastily made homemade chicken soup and did most of the clean-up. For a brief time it seemed I was better again. Do the preps, get the 'I'm all ready to be sick" tasks done, and the evil illness demons cry out, "Curses! Foiled again!" and retreat to catch their victim unprepared at a later date. Or so I hope. But now at the end of the night I'm feeling nauseous again. We'll see the what the morning brings.

FIRST SIGHTING

They're baaaaack!  My beloved wild monk parrots have made their first stop at the dead tree they use as a staging area for my birdfeeder. There they were, three of them, up on the top branches of the tree when I went out to fill the feeder. The scouts squalked and took to flight, leaving this morning's offerings for the house sparrows and other birds that have been feeding for the past month.

Tomorrow morning will be different. I'll hear their squalks about 8 am, and then they will descend to the feeder and dominate it for the next 6 months. A rotation will evolve and other birds will have their feeding times too. I get a peek every workday morning before heading for work and their weekend visits for the price of seed and the care.

Welcome birdies all! 

GHOST STORY, Part 2

READ GHOST STORY, PART 1  BELOW, BEFORE THIS STORY CONCLUSION


Sometime after that I finally brought the topic up to Ellen only to find out that she was also having creepy things happen to her. She also had times when she felt she was being watched and she said there was a very black 'shape' that she could sometimes see in her room which was frightening to her.  

I also learned that the members of Ellen's family were fighting over the grandmother's estate. A while later the estate was settled; with that, all these disturbances and creepy experiences stopped and my cats stopped their 'ghost tracking' behavior ... except for one thing.

Herbie, the cat who took the plunge, decided that the leap wasn't such a bad way to get out of the house, particularly on the Saturday mornings I would sleep in. He never tore out the window like a bat out of hell again, but a few times he carefully, and very deliberately, took the leap to gain his freedom.

GHOST STORY, Part 1

[Edited into 2 parts due to Journal entry size limitations.]

Recent chat talk turned to cats who can see ghosts and since it is close to Halloween and I have such a story to tell, here goes:

Back in the early 70's when I was just getting out on my own, I moved into a house with my new roommate, Ellen; it had been her grandmother's who had just passed away the month before we moved in. Upstairs was the attic with 2 small rooms under the A-frame of the house. One of the attic rooms was my bedroom and across the hall the other was storage for the remainder of the grandmother's belongings. Ellen and I had different schedules and busy lives so we rarely saw or spoke to each other.

Soon after moving in strange things began to happen. I would go to sleep at night and have disturbing dreams like I was blind; the darkness was terribly dark and in the dream I would try to turn on lights all through the house but I could not because I was non-corporal and my hands passed through the lamps. Yet I would awaken to find my bedroom table lamp on. This happened over and over and I was very unsettled by both the nightmares and finding the lights on.

Then there were a few times when I felt I was being watched from a corner of the room, one time while I was in the shower.

My cats, Herbie and Racoon, were also acting strange; they would paw at the storage room door across the hall and at times look like they were watching something in the room that I could not see. Herbie in particular seemed to be challenged by 'the presence' and would sometimes race up the stairs like he was chasing something.

One summer day I had the unscreened window in my small room open and was lying on my bed reading when Herbie tore up the stairs at full throttle, and, without stopping or slowing jumped up and across my bed and out the open window. What followed was right out of a cartoon as he ran in place for a moment, carried forward by his momentum and then fell to the ground, brushing tree branches on the way down.  I just knew he was chasing the phantom. Since it was such a small house the distance was not that great and he was unharmed.

CAUTIOUS INTEREST

A friend of mine of the same age has been testing online dating services for the past several months. This is quite remarkable because in other areas of life she is hesitant to try new things so I'm both amused and very curious about her adventures. She's made numerous contacts and has been on dates with about 6 men; one of them had promise but the distances, and other logistics, were too formidable.

We share some similarities; neither of us have dated in quite some time and we could stand to lose some weight. She is more personable and outgoing and better looking. We could both use a good What Not To Wear makeover.

Our social and group activity levels are in the basement as is our disposable income levels; we both work for small companies where the men are all married or way too young. This makes it hard to meet men and to maintain dating activities. Personally I'm not sure if I have the energy and resources to scour the planet for a mate but this would certainly change if I experienced a bit of chemistry with someone again.

So, I watch my friend and entertain the idea; sometimes I do a search at match.com or other site and spend an evening reading profiles.  Will I ever be so bold?

THE DREAM REMAINS A DREAM

I've had my little break now.

My vision was to be all cozy in my easy chair drinking hot tea and catching up on my reading; I started East of Eden by John Steinbeck back when Oprah selected it for her book club, but it has been languishing on my nightstand along with a book of poems by Billy Collins.  Did I get to these, or any other reading material?  No.

When I finally took my nose away from my computer monitor and accessed the status of the rest of my little world, well, it was a mess, and it would not let me get intimate with my easy chair or spend the time lost in Salinas with the Trasks or Sailing Alone Around the Room with Collins.

Instead I did what I always do. I tasked. It was more linear than usual which was nice, and I did get a lot done, but I'm still looking forward to that special day when my surroundings are peaceful and tidy and I can lose myself for hours in another world. 

MULTITASKERS ANONYMOUS MEETING

When: all day Saturday
Where: favorite living room chair
Challenge: Step AWAY from the Computer

Multitaskers Anonymous?  If there isn't such an organization, there should be for people like me who are slowly developing AAD because we've taken multi-tasking to new outrageous and unhealthy levels.

Last night is a case in point; after yoga I jumped right into TV (Angel) with simultaneous chat activity; with that underway, I added in printing envelope addresses on my computer, updating my checkbook and managing a phone call and a little sisterly IM
session. Needless to say I did not do any of these things very well.  Yet every night I pile on the tasks and by the time I log off for the evening I'm totally wiped.

The Hamster Time Chat is wonderful with both familiar and occasional chatters hanging out. The TV show(s) of the night provide us with a mutual backdrop to the stream of chat and banter, but it's obvious we are also all working away at the Project de Jour and whatever else catches our interests or needs to be done.  It makes for a very casual atmosphere where no one feels they have to be on the ball, or perhaps I should say ' on the mouse', every minute. I enjoy this time and the people immensely, even when not much is going on.

Yet it is good to take a break when the head starts spinning, not specifically from chat, but from the whole multitasking - computer-centric routine. Therefore, this Saturday will be the first 'Meeting' of Multitaskers Anonymous.... "Hello, my name is lifeonhold, and I am a multitasker-aholic...."

......Step awaaay from the computer. It will still be there waiting for you to return.

BALANCE

I'm not exactly 'gellin' like a felon' these days and I apologize to any readers out there for not being happy, witty, and, um, very Christian in my posts lately. This, too, shall pass.

On the positive side, I've excercised after work both nights this week, and tomorrow night is yoga. I used to love morning exercise but I just can't make the committment to get up and out these days. Finally after months of Stubborn Resistance I'm doing after-work exercise and finding that it has not Destroyed My Life as I'd expected. hee. silly goose.  Soooo, I'm anticipating good things from this. 

DO NOT CALL LIST

The National Do Not Call Registry is being attacked in court by telemarketers. They say that it restricts their right to free speech among other things. This is absurd. Just because someone has something to sell does not mean we are obliged to listen. I have already decided and resolved that I will never buy anything from a telemarketer, out of principle if for no other reason. By signing onto the list I am actually saving telemarketers money on their futile calls to my number. They should be glad all the strong-willed sales-resistant public are declaring themselves; the resultant pool of available numbers should make telemarketers more productive.

THE STING CONTINUES

Tomorrow is the meeting with the new Health Plan provider and agent where we will have the opportunity to ask questions about the new plan. I don't want to attend the meeting because I'm still seething about the change and I'm afraid my seeth will overflow in the form of some very pointed questions. My stupid coworkers seem to think the change is no big deal because as long as they see the words "Health Plan" at the top of the paperwork they assume that means actual "coverage". I will not be a trouble maker by interperting it for them, but I sure hope some eyes open tomorrow.

Our company's president told me he wanted something that is positive for both the company and employees, and certainly not something that hurts anyone. Well, I don't know how he can think that shifting more costs (which could be considerable) to the employees and downgrading the content of the coverage is something "positive" for employees.

I'm angry that he wants me to swallow his 'spin' and put on a happy face while being screwed over so blatantly. I feel betrayed by the company I work for, and it hurts.

HAPPY, CALMING THINGS

I did not want my Journal to be so top heavy with recent woes, but did help to write about them even if only to express myself to the great cyber-void. It has helped me move on to daily activities and a few small joys which I'll share here to balance some of the woe-ness I've imparted today.

Good thing #1: Cleaning vegetables brings me a sense of peace, particularly in fall and winter. It is best done when all else is still and quiet, but in the winter I sometimes enjoy listening to A Prairie Home Companion at the same time. This is pretty sappy, but it generates a 'warm home' feeling that is a nice complement to New England winters. Some people create their own, but the rest of us import.

Good thing #2: Despite my recent woes, I did not resort to the comfort of tortilla chips.

Good thing #3: Yoga, even just my weekly class, has helped everything.

Good thing #4: My birdfeeder is up and the house sparrows and squirrls have returned. I am eagerly awaiting my other visitors, the cardinals, chicadees, woodpeckers, and most of all, the wild monk parrots from the Connecticut coastline. They arrived last year at the very end of October, so I'm counting the days now. The wild birds at my feeder and nearby tree always give me a lift, every day.

There. That's four good things for today.

ANOTHER ECONOMIC SLAPDOWN, Part 2

(continued from Part 1 below)

The middle class is being destroyed. I've seen it happening and I'm very frightened about the future right now, not just for me, but for friends, family, the people I went to school with, the people I've worked with over the years. So many are experiencing the same economic suffering. We are middle class people who have worked all our adult lives and been able to afford a certain moderate lifestyle in the past; we're intelligent, capable, dedicated people but we're being absolutely hammered. Our jobs are going away and if we have jobs either our salaries or benefits, or both, are being eroded.

The first companies I worked for in the 70's and early 80's not only had Health Plans, but Dental also, and they funded their own pension plan for each employee. The pensions went first, shifted to employee funded 401k with some employer contributions. Next were the rounds of layoffs in the late 80's and into the 90's (which finally got me in '95 after 14 years). Dental coverage disappeared, and now Health Plans are being pillaged. Pretty soon they will be benefits in name only, so empty of real coverage relief that they will be virtually worthless to the average employee.

When we lost manufacturing jobs the middle class shifted to lower paying retail, sales and service jobs. Now these are drying up, too. What comes next is frightening. In order to keep the economy healthy a certain portion of the wealth needs to be spread broadly across middle and lower incomes. When the middle disappears, or becomes so burdened with expenses there are no buyers then even the retail, sales, and services dry up. Eventually this cancer will work its way up the economic foodchain; in fact it's already beginning to happen.

I don't see anyone addressing what's happening to our country. The problems are systemic and very bad news for more and more for America's workers. We are becoming a country without a middle class, like in South America. I hope I'll be able to look back on these worries one day and see how wrong I was. God help us.

ANOTHER ECONOMIC SLAPDOWN, Part 1

Yesterday the small company I work for unveiled details of the new Health Plan that we're going to in November. It will save our company money, but it does this by limiting coverages, raising deductables, adding exclusions, and most importantly increasing copay amounts for prescriptions. From my point of view, our new Health Plan is great as long as no one actually needs to use it.  It made me break down and cry. A lot.

Perhaps other employees (mostly engineers) can adsorb a $45 - 90 monthly increase in prescription costs, but I, and many more in my wage bracket, and lower, just don't have it. Our disposable income has been long gone and we've been cutting costs for years. Personally I haven't had a raise in about 4 years yet have had to adsorb two increases in rent and other increases during this time, plus taking on more work at my company. 

A CHALLENGE TO MYSELF

I'm about 10 days into a "Lifestyle Change" of the diet variety and starting to see and feel some very modest and appropriate results. Unfortunately what I have to lose is the same 40 pounds I lost in 2000; at that time I was very close to my goal, but now I get to do it all over again. 

At that time, life, or should I say work, intervened. Our A/P - Purchasing person left the company because she felt overworked and underpaid; I took over all of her job plus almost all the job I already had, which was not even in accounting. With two different work streams to juggle, I was at full tilt and at highest efficiency every minute of every day just to keep up. By the end of the day I was too exhausted and pressed for time to exercise or make the effort to eat right. Goodbye successful regime.

After 18 months working like that, and eating a lot of comfort food and quick dinners I regained most of the weight. The situation finally changed after I threatened to quit if I didn't get some relief.

Now after an additional 18 months floundering around trying to get the pieces of my life back togeher (yet another story), I feel able to focus and try the weight loss thing again. So, I'm hopeful. Again.

ALL IS FORGIVEN

Well, the great Journal Fiasco of October 4-7, 2003 has passed and all is well at Message In A Bottle, and, hopefully across all of AOL Journalland. The Blogger Family has put away their knives and cement boots until the next time their precious journals are distorted by some AOL flunkie who forgets to flip some kind of software switch.

Most of us Bloggers will never understand any of the behind the scenes software stuff. Heck, we don't really understand electricity, or trigonometry, or what JLo sees in Ben Affleck. We leave all that to others. However, when something goes wrong with our stuff, and we know things will go wrong from time to time, we want to know exactly how to get real help.

We want to know how to reach the janitor when the plumbing backs up. When sewage is flowing over the sides onto our beeuuuttiifffuul precious journal words and Journal Life As We Know It is coming to an end, and we reach for the Help button, we do not want access only to the canned Help for Idiots. We want an e-mail address or some contact for the actual living responsible person who is AOL's Journals Am Us.

Apparently there is such a person, but access must be restricted only to those who pass the initial Idiots Journaling Entrance Bar. Perhaps when a Blogger gets 1000 visits or posts 100 entries, an e-mail will arrive from a guy name Hal who is AOL's Journals Am Us Guy. Hey, if you ever need me, just enter BLOGMASTER in Keywords and then enter !!!!!!!!!! in the space next to the Journal icon in the Secret Help Page; this is a highly restricted area. If you reveal the Secret Help Page to a Blogger Newbie your journal will be scrambled. Scrambled, I tell you! Press ACCEPT, if you accept these Terms of Help Service. If you do not accept your journal will be scrambled. Again. Bwah.

NO THANKS TO AOL, AT ALL

I think I fixed my journal formatting again after HOURS of trial and error, loads of frustration and NO help from AOL. The Journal Lady would not forward my note to her to Tech Help because, uh, that's not her job. And probably there is no Tech Help out there to forward to. And if there is, they're tired of hearing from Journal people and their problems with AOL's shit software and useless Journal Help page.

I'm not sure if the problem is fixed or not, but a test entry and edit worked out ok. I have to thank Highwaygirl and her problems last Friday night with Hamster Time for giving me a clue as I took shots in the dark in finding a solution. I went to my Internet Options in XP's Control Panel and deleted all cookies, Temporary Files, and set the Days down to 8. Now things seem to be working.

I'm not sure if the problem was caused by so many people visiting my site during it's day (Saturday) on the Today's Top Five selections. At least 300 visitors dropped in and the problems began that evening. I visited other Journaler's pages and noticed they also had format problems just like mine. I would think that AOL would know about this now and update their useless Journal Help page with some simple instructions. It doesn't matter that it was an XP setting that needed attention, it affected one of their features and is apparently a common problem. It would have saved me, and others, MANY HOURS of frustration and 'journal abandonment'.

COMPUTER MYSTERIES

First I let Microsoft.com analyze, download and install "Critical Updates" to their XP operating system. It seemed to go successfully but then I couldn't access the internet. Troubleshoot, troubleshoot, reboot, reboot. That took about a Quarter of the NFL New England - Titans game I wanted to watch.

Then I get into this journal and decide to make some changes to the All About Me section. Since past entries go into an older entries file I wanted to add a link to my first entry about the start of the journal. Apparently this is a Big Do Not Touch That; adding the hyperlink, or trying to, made the entire entry some bizarre computer monster that I have been unsuccessful in changing. The entries seemed to lose their boundaries and did not line feed, and it added plus signs between words. (fixed now, see next entry). Help was, in the tradition of Help, unhelpful. If any computer-types wander in and have The Knowledge, please Help. I'm going to watch the last 8 minutes of the game.

A SUDDEN CHILL

The first good chill of Fall has arrived. It began this Monday and meterologists tell us rather callously, "Get used to it, folks."  My body is rebelling against this advice. It doesn't like this cold and is threatening to *really show me* by throwing out alarming cold symptoms. I've been very tired all week with intermittant chills and scratchiness to the throat. All this could be due to heavier allergies. No matter the cause, I'm draggin'.

My mood turned outright sad tonight. Our usual yoga instructor, Melissa, the physical therapist, was not at tonight's class. Instead there was a substitute instructor who announcing that Melissa's husband had been in an accident and died. Her husband had been at his boat in the marina by himself, fell, hit his head and drown in the water of the Sound. Most of us recalled hearing the news story, but we did not know of the connection to our instructor. Things happen so suddenly, a sudden chill that brings winter into a family, a life. My prayers are with you, Melissa.

THANKFUL FOR GOD

It's Sunday again. Lately I've been trying to make the day a little more holy and peaceful, and this has begun to show some good fruits. Today I am particularly appreciating the gathering of the faithful and receiving Jesus in the Eucharist. I recognize the renewal and strength this brings me and how this helps me and others during the week. There are no huge problems in my life right now, but there are plenty of little frustrations and inconsiderate acts that crop up each day that slap me around a bit. Only an inner reserve of God's presence and goodness and Spirit keeps me whole and from responding in kind to life's assaults.

ANOTHER REASON WE'RE HERE...

Sister #1 just asked me why do an open journal. Open to the public, like this is.

Well, I said, we started with individual letters through the mail. Then, when word processing came along we wrote a One Size Fits All letter and cut and paste new salutations and perhaps some varied content. Then there was e-mails. Then IMing. Now, if anyone cares to know what lifeonhold is up to or thinking about, they can check out the journal.

The ebbs and flow of daily life is in a journal, sort of like coming home from work and asking, "How'd it go today?" It is a way to connect across the miles.

HAIKU SNARK!

Now that Big Brother 4 has ended, and I'm suffering from unfulfilled Recap Addiction, I've been exploring the new Off-Season Hamster Time before quietly, and reluctantly, shuffling off and onto other things. It's like I'm walking through an almost empty school after graduation. Only one wing of the magnificent Hamster Time building remains open and active. There I gather with others to keep the spirit going a little longer.

As I wandered zombie-like through the halls today, peeking into closed rooms, my spirit suddenly took flight again! What did I find but a treasure trove of Big Brother 4 Haiku! Oh, funny and creative hamster watchers, I love you all over again!

THE BIG PROJECT

My Big Project these days is scanning and archiving a 50-year collection of family photographs. Right now I'm doing slides from the late 50's. It's great because I haven't seen most of these in more than 30 years since we stopped having annual family slide shows in the living room. We were all kids then; some Saturday evening at dinner dad or mom would announce that we were going to have slides or 8mm home movies that night. We saw these together again and again and told the same stories and laughed about the same things each time. It was really great. As the first of us entered our teens these family events ended and now I'm sorry they did. They reminded us in a different way of our shared history and reinforced who we were as individuals and as a family. My project work on the slides inspires some of my more reflective journal posts, like the previous one, Firstborn.

FIRSTBORN

I'm the firstborn in my family. That's me on the bottom step holding the ball. The serious, responsible look is already on my face even at that young age. My younger sister is the other tot in the light suit. She was, and is, the extrovert, the wit, the charmer. Funny how personality characteristics show up so early. [Click on View My Album to enlarge.]

MOODY? NOT ENOUGH

This is Day 2 of Message in a Bottle, and overall I'm satisfied. One dissatisfaction with the site so far is that there are far too few Mood choices. One must select from a prepared drop-down list. Personally, I think people who need a drop-down list of mood choices to figure out and express their mood should not be allowed to journal.

Getting back to the mood choices offered by AOL.... Do you think 'hate of a thousand fiery suns' is on the list? No. dammit. Just like the choice of Emoticons, Mood choices are extremely limited. Just so you know what I'm dealing with, the prepared selection is as follows:  Happy, Mischevious, Worried, Silly, Surprised, Flirtatious, Ecstatic, Frustrated, Loopy, Embarrassed, Hopeful, Anxious, Sad, Quiet, Chillin'.....  See what I mean.

The more subtle or popular moods (for lifeonhold anyway) are not represented: perplexed, irritated, nonplussed, bored, despondent, hysterical, hopeless, gleeful, sullen...the list goes on and on. Hey AOL, get rid of the drop down box or add a fill-in.

ETA: nonplussed - perplexed, caused to be at a loss as to what to say or do. ok, so it's a verb, but denotes an emotional state, and hey, it's my blog!

SUMMER HOUSEGUESTS LEAVE

I've had an apartment full of 'houseguests' all summer by way of the 24x7 Live Feeds of the Big Brother TV house. As guests go, this was a sorry lot and I'm doing a big happy dance that they're finally gone.

The best part of this diversion has been hanging out at Hamster Time, a recap site for BB4. There has been a very nice sense of community to the place, more community than I have where my actual body hangs out; the recognition of this situation has been one of the inspirations for this blog.

One purpose of this project is to practice the craft of writing. My posts? Passing grade if it's understandable. Bonus points if it's interesting. I'm humble enough to recognize that lifeonhold (my screen name, and how I'll be referring to myself on this site) pulled in a lot of C's, and some of those were generous. Thus, Message in a Bottle is a challenge to myself before anything else, to express my thoughts, and to craft them.

"YOGA"

Exercise, for me, is always something I'm starting. Then something I'm stopping. Right now I am in the Start mode; session 2 of yoga. The instructor is a middle-aged physical therapist and some of her 'yoga' is actually more like stretching exercises, but at least she is very understanding of her pitifully out of shape students.

Not so the Torturer, assistant to last fall's yoga instructor. She was so stupid, so robotic. "Listen to your body; don't force a position" Words of guidance from the instructor were supersceded by his evil henchwoman who roamed the floor "helping" us by wrenching our poor middle-aged limbs and muscles as she pleased. It did not please me and after a few sessions I transitioned into the Stop Exercise mode. Now I'm trying it again.

LIFE IS A CHESSBOARD

Why a journal/blog?  I'll be explaining that, and other things, as this journal scrolls onward over time.

As my sidebar indicates, I'm an early 50's, single (never been married), female. In the past several years I have very cleverly maneauvered across the chess board of life to find myself far, geographically, from every one of my family members and friends.  Actually, I haven't done all the moving myself; some of the other players have taken their turns on the board...two states over, one state down. Some, sadly, have been removed completely by the Big Hand.

Anyway, the result is a big, "Wha!"  As Talking Heads put it so well, How did I get here? I don't know.  The 'here' is quite a place, partly designed by yours truely, and partly fashioned by The Cruel World.

SO, I'm taking out my travel notes, compass, faltering lamp, and roughly drawn map to, perhaps, take another step onward and to describe past legs of this long journey. It is a Message in a Bottle launched into the currents of the seas of cyberspace. A little leap of faith and hope. A chance to mix it up a little in life's lottery.

Anyway, it's launched!